Broke Saga pt. 3

Anyone sick of me talking about this yet? Well, guess what... this is my blog and I can write whatever I want. This is like my journal.

Well, we are -45 dollars now. We had to use up our savings. So, we literally have nothing. I have 5 dollars in my wallet from my dearest friend. I'm saving it for gas. We haven't been this bad since we were first married, living in a basement and Boricua was making 11.oo dollars an hour. I don't know what got us off track so badly. We've been hanging in there and we just dropped. Well, first off; Boricua hasn't been working 40 + hours a week like he should. He get;s paid hourly, so needs to work more hours. Alot of it has to do with his work. They haven't allowed him to work 40 or more hours because of their budget. Second, Boricua has to accommodate to my schedule. I need him home before 5:00 pm on Mondays and Tuesdays. According to him, I don't let him 'do what he needs to do' to bring in more money. Which I disagree. I have to go to work Weekday evenings. My income is relied on. We need my income because Boricua doesn't make enough to support us alone. It's pitiful how much he earns. And nothings changed in over a year and I'm starting to wonder if there's anything HE needs to do and change to make more of an effort to support us better. But again, according to him, I don't let him. He doesn't have a college degree yet. He goes by experience and his certifications he earned in Computer School. It's doing nothing for us. We've asked the church for help several times. I'm embarrassed to even ask the Bishop...once again...thinking he might think we're not trying hard enough to be self reliant. BUT WE ARE! We are NOT frivolous spenders. We never use credit cards. We don't go out alot and when we do, Boricua still thinks we shouldn't. He thinks we shouldn't go out all anymore. We need to stay in our house and do nothing. His words, not mine.
It's going to take us a while to get us out of this. I'm saddened that my kids may not get a Christmas. We may not even be able to get a tree. I don't know how we're going to pay for gas or groceries these next few weeks. Boricua's check will go all towards our rent, Mater's school and our utilities. We will have nothing left over. Plus an extra 45 dollars is going to the Bank. Our original food budget was 100 a week but I guess we'll have to put it to 50 a week. I don't know how we'll do that but we're going to have to. 100 dollars didn't get much! Even shopping at Super Walmart y'all! Entertainment was 150 a month and that's gonna half to be 50 a month. Gasoline is ridiculous right now and there's not much we can do about that.

I'm just baffled because we decided to be generous with Fast Offerings this month and not hold off on paying our FULL tithe. And this is where we are now... I guess we all go through our trials but all I wanted as an adult was to be financially secure and I'm not. I don't see it changing any time soon either. I'm starting to feel like I married the wrong person. Not because of money but he's not college educated and has baggage. We don't see eye to eye in alot of things. I might of only married him because I was pregnant and wanted to do the right thing. I feel this way on and off constantly. I don't have much hope for the future of this marriage, sad to say. I really don't. His family isn't very supportive. Mine's too far away. We don't have our degrees yet. We're really young. I don't know... it just doesn't seem to be working, no matter how hard we try.

I'm really considering divorce right now. I need to pray about everything...hoping I find some answers.