Depression SUCKS

Argh...I'm so down tonight! I just feel...soooo..lethargic and down...
I had another Migraine today. I had my usual concoction of Imitrex, Tylenol and Exedrin. I also have these pain relief wipes for Fibromyalgia. It's alot like Icy Hot or Tiger's Balm. It helped. I olny have four of those left and I don't know what I'm going to do when they're gone! I can't find them anywhere now! I think I'm coming down from all of the medical poisen and it's making feel feel really blue. I've gotta get these things under control WITHOUT pumping myself with medication. I don't like doing that.
I feel so disgusted with my body. It looks so bad. I don't have the will power to eat well. I teach and I am active but I eat like garbage. It's really starting to show. I'm so disappointed in myself. I just look gross. I sometimes ask myself WHY I was given this weakness and WHY I was given large hips!! And why the heck do we have to have cellulite, huh? I don't get it. No matter how thin or in shape I am, I have cellulite. It's not as visible but it's still there! It's VERY visible now! Blah. I don't like the way I look right now!!!!!!!!
I hope I can find the strength to eat better and not feel like I'm depriving myself. On top of teaching, I want to get on a running schedule and Boricua do it with me. I know what I need to do. I use to be a work out and diet guru. That what I was going to get my college degree in...until I changed my mind. I was in excellent shape and offered to compete in fitness competitions. But...I developed an eating disorder and became way to obsessed with it all. After that horrible experience, I decided to just let it go, do everything in moderation and enjoy.
Now, I'm ready to strangle myself(not literally) for my fatty rolls and cottage cheese.
I gotta do SOMETHING. Let's see how well I'll stick to it...

P.S. Our van is a green/grayish color. It's not green but not gray. Somewhere in between.
We are really loving it. Can't wait to go to NYC in it! 3 more days!