A ROUGH night...

I seriously had one of the hardest nights to date last night... it was...well, I'll explain myself:

I deal with crazy indigestion and heartburn being pregnant. I basically have to sleep sitting up, along with taking heartburn medicine 2 times per day. I also have to take something to help me sleep. PLUS, I have serious Thoracic back and hip pain. It's a battle daily, especially at night. Last night trumped them all, however! I was getting ready for bed and experienced vertigo. I instantly stood up and needed to vomit! I vehemently upchuck my dinner and meds. I then feel super nauseous. I took an anti-nausea pill and go to bed, hoping to sleep it off. I woke up about every hour, in extreme hip and back pain. I was tossing and turning constantly, moving pillows around and trying to get rid of the 'squeak' in my down pillows (YES! They squeak. Its so annoying!) A few hours later, I take the other half of my nausea pill because I'm still nauseous. I felt like I had air bubbles stuck in my chest all night long. I take antacid chews and a swig of milk. Then I get unbearable heartburn. I was on fire! I get up, swig more milk and Hope to sleep. Now my back is burning in such pain, I cannot get comfortable! I couldn't sleep on my sides or my back. It was worthless to even sleep! I did NOT sleep AT ALL! So, finally, I get up at 7 am, miserable. My stomach still hurt! Bless Boricua's heart, he took the kids to school this morning so I could rest. It was probably one of the most uncomfortable nights EVER! I'm STILL a little nauseous and in a lot of back pain! And tonight I have to teach Zumba...can I do it???

The music...

Hey everyone! I absolutely love music. I do have my music list but it MUST BE UPDATED!! It's so old! If it annoys you, I'm sorry! I hope it's not too much to scroll down and turn it off!

I'm updating my music TODAY!

THANKS!!

THE BOYS...

They have such distinct personalities...

FINALLY TIME TO UPDATE!!

Me at 25 weeks...
Living in this crazy world has inhibited my time to write on my blog for quite some time! So much has gone on! For one, my 2 boys are older and changing. Prince is in 1st grade and Wise is in Pre-K full time! They are big boys now, who love Ipods and video games. (Yah, my 4 1/2 year old loves and uses his Ipod!) They can make their own corndogs, waffles and wipe their own butts! Yes, I went there!

BUT NOW...we have another addition coming to the V Family. A little girl! She is expected to arrive February 12th, a very significant day. Its the same day Boricua and I were married. She's a special little one. One: it being a GIRL, two: it being planned and three: it's our last baby. I had a miscarriage just two weeks before she was concieved too! I wont sugarcoat anything; this has been the most miserable pregnancy ever. Ive been sick since day one, I have serious digestive issues, I have chronic back pain, hip pain and migraines. To boot, my having Fibromyalgia and Chronic Fatigue Syndrome does not help. I'm barely 7 months along and already feel my lung capacity has decreased. I'm so uncomfortable! What has been the hardest of hard to deal with is DEPRESSION! It's at times unbareable. I have been on an SSRI for awhile now but it doesn't seem to do much. Recently, my Dr. switched meds and I'm in a big, body & mind, shocking transition. I'm feeling helpless and hopeless. I cry often, get upset easily, have lack of motivation and even sometimes feel suicidal. I'm at this point where I'm mad I'm pregnant and don't want anymore kids! The pain is just too much to handle sometimes! I feel like such a bad mom and everyone in my life deserves someone better. Nonetheless, I force myself to carry on, do my duties and laugh at any chance I get. I often tell myself, "It could be worse!"

Boricua is over the moon for this baby. I feel like he's forgotten about me as an individual and sees me as the holding tank for his daughter! LoL. It's never, "How are you doing today", it's, "How's my little baby girl doing today". My reply often is, "She's fine, I guess." I dont know what else to say! She's still in there, sleeping, kicking and growing! I'm still miserable! Nothing changes! Since she cannot talk, I assume she's happy as a clam! She's in a warm and cozy place, feeding off my blood supply and expending all of my energy....just what a fetus is supposed to do! Lately I've felt that's it's just a foreign object taking over my body! I'm too miserable to feel happy and excited. I carry a huge sense of guilt for feeling that way too. I'm fat, sick and depressed...how can I possibly be happy right now?

In the end, I love her and love my family. My boys are excited to have a sister and Boricua couldn't be happier. I just need to get through these last few months and the postpardum period. Then hopefully feel normal again!!